Trigger warning: This article mentions mental illness and trauma... If at any point the content is distressing, please contact any of the support services listed at the end of the article.
Mental Time Travel: How Far Can I Remember?
I like to go back in time.
Travel to places I have been to.
See faces I have not seen in a while.
Meet my younger self.
See the world as new.
As every memory slips through my fingers, I write the pages hoping not to forget anymore.
How far can I remember?
She opens her eyes, her head hammering as she puts her glasses on to ease the pain. The room is uncommonly empty; it almost echoes her thoughts. In the centre of the room is a teal box in the shape of a seahorse with the label “Recreate your favorite scenes!” This box is the hippocampus—the seahorse shaped structure that is found in the medial temporal lobe (MTL) of the brain—that encodes the space and context of a memory. It is essential for associating information from sensory cortices, binding it to the context and sending the information to the rest of the brain.
Confusion makes its way through her mind as a sheet appears on top of the box like magic. It says “Pick a book, read the recipe, and put the right items in the teal seahorse box.” Did you know that every memory is a reconstruction—that a scene is made up every time you remember an event? She does not know it yet, but she will certainly learn that when these fragile pieces are brought back together in the hippocampus, she can relive a moment.
Endless shelves of books and objects suddenly appear in rows and columns just like a grid, a playground. She notices that the shelf in front of her, the one wearing the tag “2025”, is half empty. The one next to it, with the sticker “2024”, is full. She walks through a few rows, imagining what secrets are held in the books and between their lines. Her hand chooses the blue book “Costa Rica: Camaronal” and flips through the pages. These words are written in her handwriting: “starry sky, moonlight, high tide, sunburn, hammocks, turtles, beach, sunrise, sand, meetings, deck of cards”. She finds the objects at the end of the shelf and runs to the teal box. She can feel the air sticking to her skin, and hear the waves crashing on the shore. It is the power of mental time-travelling; recollecting episodes of her life.
The objects disappear from the box, the feeling goes away, but she wants more.
She runs like a child and stops in front of the “2019” shelf to experience a Dungeons & Dragons Friday night with her high school friends. She seems surprised to see that the list of objects for that memory is so short. She brings back the objects, but the hippocampus can only make her travel to a blurry place. Moments from six years ago are already a faint memory. Her curiosity takes over when she wonders how far she can remember. She finds the recipe of her last night of summer camp in 2013: “‘I Love It (feat. Charli XCX)’, dance, lights”. She sighs when looking at the short list because she hates to forget, she really does. Her heart starts beating fast, is her memory failing her? How bad can it be?
She continues to wander down the alleys, but her eyes are tearing up as she thinks how she might be nothing without her memories; only a few objects are left, most of them did not stand the test of time. As she reaches her early years, she notices the label “cognitive self” and the floor colour changes under her feet. The cognitive self is a knowledge structure that helps to integrate and bind memories from personal experiences. These experiences are added to the evolving self-consciousness. Along with neurobiological changes in brain structures and the acquisition of language, this can help to make them last longer and shape a sense of being. At least she knows that she is someone.
Intrigued, she brings all the objects she can find in the “2004” shelf, but there is no recipe to guide her, no story to be made. All the pieces are in the box, but nothing happened; no feelings, no breeze, no music. The memories that were made in the first two years of her life, were taking the form of beliefs, habits or procedures. There is nothing she can consciously recollect. The inability to consciously recollect memories from one’s own early years of life is also known as infantile amnesia. While waiting for the hippocampus box to make its magic, she loses patience, hits the box a few times begging it to give her back her memories.
She does not know that it is universal: cognitively healthy adults and nonhuman species like mice or birds experience infantile amnesia. During infantile neurodevelopment, humans and other species like birds and rats undergo a critical period of learning for memory. Throughout critical periods, different functions like language, sensory functions or memory—in this case, the hippocampal memory system—mature with experience. The presence of specific stimuli are essential for functional development because without it, its competence will forever be impaired. Her hippocampal system must have been responsive to a great amount of experiences to ensure its maturation. It is working as it should. Inside of her, a void of hopelessness sits in her chest because she feels like her brain is failing her; it is her against biology.
She looks for clues in the fuller shelves wondering where the memories could be hidden. Were memories ever stored or created? They were created, but any information was stored in latent form due to the immature mechanisms of the young hippocampus. They can get activated under particular circumstances, but not recollected consciously. It is a failure in memory retrieval, not a failure in memory storage.
She finds a trap on the green floor thinking pieces might be hidden in the basement. Events leave traces—whether they are full-fledged memories or only remnants—and during the critical period, deleterious experiences can have lifelong consequences on behaviour, affection and the development of psychopathologies.
The trap is too small for her to enter, warning her she should not enter this road. She understands that some things are not meant to be found. These moments she cannot recollect are hiding in plain sight; they are embedded in her. Somehow, she learned from them. For a second, she hates the teal seahorse box. Then, she looks at it in awe, terrified and amazed at peace with herself. The hippocampus box starts to turn and Joe Dassin plays. Threads of lights bind items and books together. It takes her back as far as she can go. Feelings. Moments. People. Episodes. Magic. Her.
She opens her eyes, teal ink pen in her hand as she is writing these words.
Some things I will never remember;
My first steps on my two feet.
The first time I met my sisters.
Just old stories or memories handpicked from a field of photos;
And in the end, I would be a stranger.
Support resources
Grief Australia: counselling services, support groups
https://www.grief.org.au/ga/ga/Get-Support.aspx?hkey=2876868e-8666-4ed2-a6a5-3d0ee6e86c30
Griefline: free telephone support, community forum and support groups
Better Health Channel: coping strategies, list of support services, education on grief
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/servicesandsupport/grief
Beyond Blue: understanding grief, resources, support, counselling
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/grief-and-loss
Lifeline: real stories, techniques & strategies, apps & tools, support guides, interactive
Reach Out Australia: coping strategies
Find a Helpline: for international/country-specific helplines
References
1. Li S, Callaghan BL, Richardson R. Infantile amnesia: forgotten but not gone. Learn Mem [Internet]. 2014, March [cited 2025 Mar 27]; 21(3):135–9. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3929851/
2. Donato F, Alberini CM, Amso D, Dragoi G, Dranovsky A, Newcombe NS. The Ontogeny of Hippocampus-Dependent Memories. J Neurosci [Internet] . 2021, Feb 3 [cited 2025 Mar 27]; 41(5):920–6. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.1651-20.2020
3. Howe, ML. Early Childhood Memories Are not Repressed: Either They Were Never Formed or Were Quickly Forgotten. Topics in Cognitive Science [Internet]. 2022, July 11 [cited 2025 Mar 27]; 16(4): 707–717. Available from: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/tops.12636
4. Bauer PJ, Amnesia, Infantile☆. In: Benson JB, editor. Encyclopedia of Infant and Early Childhood Development (Second Edition) [Internet]. Oxford: Elsevier; 2020. p. 45–55 [cited 2025 Mar 27]. Available from: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780128093245212078
5. Stoencheva B, Stoyanova K, Stoyanov D. Infantile Amnesia can be Operationalized as a Psychological Meta Norm in the Development of Memory. JIN [Internet]. 2025, Feb 10 [cited 2025 Mar 27]; 24(2):1–11. Available from: https://www.imrpress.com/journal/JIN/24/2/10.31083/JIN25889
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